How come every time I come to blog, it's when my mind is completely, just, UGH?!?

I get it's the whole therapy-for-me thing, and it does help, but I know it comes out like a jumbled, hot mess.

Sooooooo many things on my mind -- that's why I'm here.  Hoping to think it through, but mostly it ends up as whining.

But now that I'm here, maybe a change of direction is in order.  Ironic side note, the last several days I've been thinking about how I need to change up things, people, circumstances, situations, that are just not 'working' in my life.  That there are some outward changes to make in those surroundings, and lots more inward changing as well.  Then at church this morning, the message fit into exactly that thought process.  In not so many words -- cutting out the negative excess in our lives (this was my take, obviously).  In Pastor Jason's words, "Don't kick people out, 'love' them out."  In my words, "I love ya, but ya gotta go!"  LOL

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OK I inserted this break because, no kidding, I've been staring at this page for the last 20 minutes and I completely clammed up.  I don't even know what to say -- so weird.  Let me try again....

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So here is the thing about loving people out...I don't think it has as much to do with physically getting rid of people, but more so getting rid of how I let people affect me.  Part of being a controlling person, is this whole passive-aggressive persona you take on.  I think it takes (for me) a conscience effort to not let what people do/think/feel impact me.

My role as family/friend.  If you are a family member or a friend, and you want to play an active role in my life, great!  If not, then there is a reason for it, and maybe it's not me, maybe it's them.  Maybe it's their lack of intimacy, lack of care and/or respect for others and their feelings, or just general selfishness and self-absorbtion.  Maybe it's none of that.  But what I DO know, is that the people that do love and respect you and who WANT to be in your life, WILL be in your life.  And I can't make them do it, I can't make them want to do it.  It is, or it isn't.  And it isn't my fault.

My role as a wife.  Not enough blog space for this one.  If we are close, you know what I've been through.  And you know that despite that, I try my best.  I'm not perfect...not even good at it, but I try and I love and that's what matters.

My role as a mother.  Basically ditto the above role!  If we are close,  you know what I've been through.  And if  you've known me for 10 years or better, you know how much it means to me to finally become a mom.  Again, I'm not perfect, some days I'm not even good at it, but I try and I love and that's what matters.  There is literally NOTHING in the world -- all other things combined -- that means more to me than that little boy.  He's not without fault, none of us are, but there is no one more beautiful, smart, caring, sensitive, loving, and well-rounded that I know.  Sometimes the outside world doesn't see everything that we see and know as mom's to these precious blessings, but I know and God knows.  And L.J. knows God, and for that, I am blessed beyond measure.

My role as an employee.  I've been with this company for 15 years.  I've been in my current position since May.  I have literally been in 10 positions in this company.  By FAR, the last year of my life has been beyond the most stressful.  I can't even tell you how many days I have sat at my desk and cried from the stress (thank goodness I work from home!).  My last position started out ok, new management came last January -- went downhill.  Got the position I'm in now after quite a bit of time trying to get in.  I love the person who was to be my boss at the time and wanted to work for her again.  Got the job in May, she left in August for bigger and better things.  I was still relatively new to the position, and even though I have all sorts of background with the company, this was different.  But she knows me, knows my background, knows I am capable, or she wouldn't have picked me.  THEN things changed.  Because I'm the new girl, I don't know as much as my current peers.  But here is the thing, and this is what I need to try to remember, my peer group in this department, as well as the girls I manage, are completely amazing.  They all seriously, I truly believe, would not want to see me fail.  And on the days that I beat myself up for not knowing enough, all I need to do it reach out to them.  But they are busy too, so that's when I hold back and take it all on myself.  I feel extremely intimidated by the leadership above me and even though we all have certain opinions about certain people, they still scare the crap out of me.  Mainly because I am the sole bread-winner right now, and I'm scared to death of losing my job.  Not that it's even a rational fear!  I've never been placed on any type of "warning" or corrective action plan.  To the contrary, I've gotten several emails of praise over the last few months for various projects.  So why the heck am I so hard on myself?  The thing with work is that if I'm not perfect, I feel like I'm failing.  If I'm not the best at what I do, then I feel like I'm failing.  And I'm comparing myself to people who have been doing this for a few years or more.  When I'm not at work, all I do is think about work.  I've been freaked out all weekend because I know 3 of my 4 offices are probably going to be "red."  And no one understands that unless you work in my department lol...but that's ok.  I do believe I've done the things within my control to not see that happen, but ultimately I am responsible.  And even though I'm not 100% responsible, I know that I will be made to feel that way.  Partly because of "them", and partly because I take everything to heart and will be mortified with the questions that will be fired my way.

This keeps me up at night and has been sucking the enjoyment out of other aspects of my life.  And it shouldn't.  But my job, and being good at it, is important to me.  Call me a perfectionist, OCD, whatever, I expect to do well, and when I feel like I'm not, it rips me apart.

So there ya go, the jumbled, hot mess of things on my mind.  Who are those people that take these things in stride, cause I need some of that.

Oh and so here's the other side of that....

I DO realize that my problems are small in the eyes of the world.  I GET that my life is nothing in comparison to so many millions that truly suffer with sickness and poverty on a daily basis.  I BELIEVE in God and have faith in His love and mercy and believe I am truly blessed and highly favored.

So more good advice from today's sermon....

Immerse yourself in The Word, and The Word will flow from you.  Surround yourself with uplifting, God-centered people, and you will be uplifted.  Surrender completely and be humbled in His presence.  Speak your prayers out loud.  Go crazy for God!  Praise like a child -- enthusiastically, loudly, dancing, singing.

He knows the prayers of your heart -- all you have to do is ask.

All I have to do is ask.

Letter to L.J.

After today's horrible events in Connecticut with the school shooting and so many babies and adults losing their lives unnecessarily, I find myself overcome with sadness and paralyzing fear.  There are so many thoughts running through my mind, I'm sure everyone's minds tonight, that I don't even know where to start.  I fear that everything that comes out wouldn't even make sense, as I feel completely incoherent in my mind.  So instead, I will write a letter to L.J.

Dear L.J.,

While I lay here watching you sleep, my mind swirls.  I need for you to understand some things, and I will try my best to explain.

1.  I love you.  Just 3 words, that seem so small, but mean more than you can imagine.
2.  I'm proud of you.  I'm proud of obstacles you have overcome in your 7 years.  I'm proud of who you are as a person.  Sweet and funny.  Smart and sensitive.
3.  God above all else.  Above everything in life, put God first.  You will not always understand His plan, and it's not for you to understand.  Your duty as a Christian is to live by faith.  And because of that faith, He will never see you fall.
4.  There is a lot of good in this world.  Be a part of that good.  Help others.  Use manners.  Be polite and giving.  Smile.
5.  There is a lot of bad in this world.  We cannot help, nor do we have control over, the evil that exists around us.  I wish I could promise you that bad things don't happen.  But they do.  Not all people are good.  Be trusting, but with caution.  Be alert.  Be aware.
6.  I will always, always help you, guide you, teach you, and encourage you.  In anything you choose to do in life, with school, work, relationships.  I will always be your rock.  And your soft place to fall.
7.  Our relationship will always be unconditional.  We will argue and disagree.  I will be upset with you when I don't agree with your choices.  You will be upset with me because I don't agree.  And that's ok.  It will never change how much I love you.
8.  I want to see you finish school.  I want to be at your college graduation.  I want to dance at your wedding, and hold my grandbabies.  And I will do everything, simply everything, to help you get there.

What I need from you above all else is to just come home.

When I send you to school, please come home.
When you drive off with your friends, please come home.
When I send you off to college, please come home.
When you start working and get busy with a family of your own, please come home.

All I need is for you to grow old.  Happy and healthy...and old.

You can always come home.

I love you, my sweet baby boy.
Mommy

It Just Sucks

Wow -- 7 months since I've blogged.  Probably defeats the purpose of a blog.  But today, I feel like I need to write to sort this out.

Not even sure anyone reads this and it's fine either way.  I'm doing this for me.  It's going to be negative and rambling and may not even make sense.  You've been warned.

So a lot of people outside of my immediate friend/family circle don't know this about me, probably.  But I suffer from anxiety and depression.  And some times it's good, then something happens, and I feel like I go into this downward spiral towards a pit that has no way out.

That's where I am.

No one knows -- till now, if you're reading this.  I don't like to talk about it, as I know we all have our own things in life to deal with.  Quite frankly, I'm sure no one wants to hear about it.  And because I'm in this state, I suspect no one cares.

If you've never dealt with depression, let me tell you this -- when you are in this state of mind,  you have never felt so alone.  You can surround yourself with 100 people, but you've never felt so alone.  Let me give you a taste of how I feel at this moment.

Completely alone, even though I'm not in the physical sense.  I mean alone in my head.  Like no one understands.  No one sees past the smile.  Like no one would care even if they did know.

I feel angry, all. the. time.  I'm angry at myself because I don't understand why I feel like I do.  I'm angry at every person I am around because the slightest thing sets me off.  I'm angry because no one listens.  I'm angry because I think I'm a horrible mother and a terrible wife.  I'm angry that I don't know how to be better at those things.  I'm angry because no matter what I do or how hard I try, my life just never gets better.  I'm angry that I feel all of those things.  I'm angry because I don't know what's truth and what is the depression.

I feel like everything I do is just putting on a show.  I just go through the motions of what I think I should be doing.  I feel like everything is a facade.  Like I try to be a good employee -- say the right things, stay on top of things, try to make good decisions, but inside, I feel completely inadequate and lost.  I try to be a good wife -- I'm not even close to compassionate, reasonable or understanding with my husband.

I try -- God knows I try more than anything ever in my life -- to be a good mother.  I'm not.  And it breaks my heart.  And this bothers me more than all of the rest combined.  I would like to think that because I care so much whether or not I'm a good mom, then by default, it makes me a good mom -- but I don't think that at all.  Yep, I do stuff with him....activities, homework, play -- all of it.  It's not enough.  It's not enough because when I feel like I feel, then I am not connecting emotionally to him.  I feel like he feels it too.  Maybe that's why he's been getting in trouble more lately.  He feels me disconnected?  Or doesn't love me?  At this point, it could be either.  I feel like all I do is yell.  I'm mean.  He probably hates me, though he's never said that -- yet.

The funny thing about feeling alone, is that I want to be alone.  I want to pull away from everyone, because I just feel like I'm toxic anyway.  I don't want to talk to friends, or family.  I do it, because it's expected of me, and because it's not their fault.  And I put on the front, but sometimes it's hard to just hide behind a smile.  It's hard to listen to everyone else, try to make conversation, even though you aren't connected -- just smile and nod, answer in small sentences.  It just gets harder and harder to keep that up.

So if I haven't texted you, or have been short in replies, this is my apology.  If I've cancelled plans with you, I'm sorry.  I wish I could help it.  I wish I could snap out of it.  It takes time.  I don't know how long, because in the middle of it, it feels like forever.

It feels like I have no joy, no hope.  Nothing makes me smile, laugh, happy.  I feel like every single aspect of my life sucks.  And the worst part of feeling like that, if you're me, is that isn't the core of my personality.  I'm not a down, negative person (typically).  On the inside, my core is bubbly, happy, out-going, positive.  So for someone like that to feel like this -- makes it that much worse.  And makes it impossible to understand or accept.

I am going to post this, but I'm not sure why.  It's definitely not for a pity party or anything of the sort.  Maybe I'm hoping someone just understands.  Has felt this same exact way and it makes sense to someone.

If you read this and didn't know any of this, hopefully you don't think I'm a complete moron.  And if you've never felt this way, it's probably hard to understand.  I don't want attention, I just want to come out of it and feel better.

I'm still the same person -- just sometimes broken.

100 Day Scripture Challenge -- Days 99 and 100. Whoop!

Day 99 -- Acts 9:1-19

Verse 6,  "Now gets up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."

Day 100 -- Luke 9:18-27

Verse 20,  "Then he asked them, 'But who do you say I am?'  Peter replied, 'You are the Messiah sent from God!'"

Verse 22,  '"The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things,' he said.  'He will be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law.  He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead.'"

Verse 25,  "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?"

Verse 26,  "If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels."


The. End.  Of my challenge, that is.  In my next post, I will touch on how much I've learned, how it has affected me, and how I hope to use it.

XOXO

100 Day Scripture Challenge -- Days 94, 95, 96, 97, 98

Day 94 -- 2 Peter 3:1-18

Verse 13,  "But we are looking forward to the new heavens and new earth he has promised, a world filled with God's righteousness."

Day 95 -- Revelation 21 and 22

Verse 4, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever."

Verse 13, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."

Day 96 -- Matthew 19:16-30

Verse 30, "But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then."

Day 97 -- John 3:1-21

Verse 16, "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

Day 98 -- John 4:1-42

Verse 14, "But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again.  It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life."

Verse 42, "Then they said to the woman, 'Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, but because we have heard him ourselves.  Now we know that he is indeed the Savior of the world.'"

100 Day Scripture Challenge -- Days 91, 92, 93

Day 91 -- Acts 1:1-11

Verse 7,  "He replied, 'The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know.'"

Day 92 -- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11

Verse 17,  "Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.  Then we will be with the Lord forever."

Verses 5 and 6,  "For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don't belong to darkness and night.  So be on your guard, not asleep like the others.  Stay alert and be clearheaded."

Day 93 -- 2 Thessalonians 2:1-12

Verse 2,  "Don't be so easily shaken or alarmed by those who say that the day of the Lord has already begun.  Don't believe them, even if they claim to have a spiritual vision, a revelation, or a letter supposedly from us."

XOXO

100 Day Scripture Challenge -- Days 86, 87, 88, 89, 90

Day 86 -- Revelation 1:1-20

Verse 8, "'I am the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end,' says the Lord God.  'I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come--the Almighty One.'"

Day 87 -- Revelation 2:1-11

Verse 10,  'Don't be afraid of what you are about to suffer.  The devil will throw some of you into prison to test you.  You will suffer for ten days.  But if you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life."

Day 88 -- Revelation 2:12-29

Verse 19,  '"I know all the things you do.  I have seen your love, you faith, your service, and your patient endurance.  And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.'"

Day 89 -- Revelation 3:1-13

Verse 3,  "Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly.  Repent and turn to me again.  If you don't wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief."

Day 90 -- Revelation 3:14-22

Verse 19,  'I correct and discipline everyone I love.  So be diligent and turn from your indifference."

Verse 22,  "'Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.'"

Love,
xoxo

100 Day Scripture Challenge -- Days 84 and 85

Day 84 -- John 20:1-31 and John 21:1-25

John 20:17, '"Don't cling to me,' Jesus said, 'for I haven't yet ascended to the Father.  But go find my brothers and tell them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'"

John 20:29, "Then Jesus told him, 'You believe because you have seen me.  Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.'"

John 21:24, "This disciple is the one who testifies to these events and has recorded then here.  And we know that his account of these things is accurate."

Day 85 -- 1 Corinthians 15:1-58

1 Cor 15:33-34, "Don't be fooled by those who say such things, for 'bad company corrupts good character.'  Think carefully about what is right, and stop sinning.  For to your shame I say that some of you don't know God at all."

1 Cor 15:57-58, "But thank God!  He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.  So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable.  Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for your know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."

Amen!

100 day Scripture Challenge -- Days 79, 80, 81, 82, 83

Day 79 -- Luke 22:66-71 and Luke 23:1-25

Luke 22:67, "and they said, 'Tell us, are you the Messiah?'"

Luke 23:10,  "Meanwhile, the leading priests and the teachers of religious law stood there shouting their accusations."

Day 80 -- Luke 23:26-56

Verse 34, "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.'  And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice."

Day 81 -- Matthew 28:1-20

Verse 5, "Then the angel spoke to the women.  'Don't be afraid!' he said.  'I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.'"

Day 82 -- Mark 16:1-20

Verse 6, "but  the angel said, 'Don't be alarmed.  You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified.  He isn't here!  He is risen from the dead!  Look, this is where they laid his body.'"

Day 83 -- Luke 24:1-49

Verse 44, "Then he said, 'When I was with you before, I told you that everything written about me in the law of Moses and the prophets and in the Psalms must be fulfilled.'"

Verses 48-49, "You are witnesses of all these things.  'And now I will send the Holy Spirit, just as my Father promised.  But stay here in the city until the Holy Spirit comes and fills you with power from heaven.'"

God is good!
XOXO

100 day Scripture Challenge - Days 74, 75, 76, 77, 78

Day 74 -- Matthew 18:15-35

Verse 35, "'That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.'"

Day 75 -- Mark 8:31-38 and Mark 9:1

Verse 37, "Is anything worth more than your soul?"

Day 76 -- Matthew 26:47-56

Verse 52, '"Put away your sword,' Jesus told him. 'Those who use the sword will die by the sword.'"

Day 77 -- Matthew 26:57-68

Verse 64, "Jesus replied, 'You have said it.  And in the future you will see the Son of Man seated in the place of power at God's right hand and coming on the clouds of heaven.'"

Day 78 -- Matthew 26:69-75 and Matthew 27:1-10

Verse 75, "Suddenly, Jesus' words flashed through Peter's mind: 'Before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.' And he went away, weeping bitterly."

Lots of lessons in these verses, lots to think about, if you're so inclined.

Blessings!  xoxo

Scripture Challenge -- Days 71, 72, 73

Day 71 -- John 6:25-71

Verse 40, "'For it is my Father's will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life.  I will raise them up at the last day.'"

Day 72 -- Mark 3:20-35

Verse 28, '"I tell you the truth, all sin and blasphemy can be forgiven...'"

Day 73 -- John 14:1-14

Verse 6, "Jesus told him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one can come to the Father except through me.'"

XOXO

Easter and Scripture Challenge -- Days 67, 68, 69, 70

Wow!  What an amazing Easter.  My church, Relevant Church, Ybor City, Tampa, had Easter service in the park downtown today.  I can't even begin to tell you what a feeling I had this morning, driving into downtown, then seeing the park for the first time with our church's signature everywhere.  I've been a member of this church for about 8 months, but I have never, ever, felt like such a part of a church family.  There is nothing I want more than to help with this church and to see it succeed.  I want to grow with it and love it.  I don't know why nor can I explain the connection I have.  All I do know is that God led me to Relevant for a reason, and I don't mind sharing it with anyone who will listen.  I cried a total of 3 times today while at the park.  I was overwhelmed by what God is doing in the life of Relevant, I was overcome by the message of a blessed Easter service, and I was overcome by the amazing power of God, who brought the dream of my church into reality today.  Keeping in mind, our church of about 500, prayed for a year for our goal of 5400, yes 5400, people to join us.  The initial rough number I've seen is 5560.  I remain overwhelmed by today.  4 weeks ago, we had a "mobile church service".  We piled into buses and went to the park and prayed as a congregation.  We picked up pieces of mulch all through the park, wrote the names of those we wished to have join us at service and/or wanted Jesus to show up in their lives.  The best part for me, 70% of the people I prayed for were at the park with me today.  There aren't enough words...

Scripture Challenge Continues

Day 67  Luke 10:1-24

Verse 16, "Then he said to the disciples, 'Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me.  And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me.   And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.'"

Day 68  Luke 11:1-13

Verse 9, "'And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.'"

Day 69  John 17:1-26

Verse 3, "And this is the way to have eternal life - to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to Earth."

Day 70  Mark 14:32-42

Verse 38, "'Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation.  For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.'"

Hope you all had a most wonderfully Blessed Easter as well!
xoxo

Scripture Challenge -- Days 64, 65, 66

Day 64 -- Mark 5:21-43

Verse 34, "And he said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well.  Go in peace.  Your suffering is over.'"

Day 65 -- John 11:1-45

Verse 25, "Jesus told her, 'I am the resurrection and the life.  Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying.'"

Day 66 -- Mark 1:29-39

Verse 38, "But Jesus replied, 'We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too.  That is why I came.'"

Praise God for all the healing through our Lord Jesus!

Love, xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 60, 61, 62, 63

Evening!

Day 60 -- Matthew 21:18-22

Verse 22, "You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."

Day 61 -- John 9:1-41

Verse 5, "But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world."

Day 62 -- Luke 5:17-26

Verse 26, "Everyone was gripped with great wonder and awe, and they praised God, exclaiming, 'We have seen amazing things today!'"

Day 63 -- Mark 5:1-20

Verse 20, "So the man started off to visit the Ten Towns of that region and began to proclaim the great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed at what he told them."


What will you let Jesus do for you today?  Let Him into your heart and witness.

XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Days 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59

Day 54 -- John 10:1-18

Verse 18, "No one can take my life from me.  I sacrifice it voluntarily.  For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again.  For this is what my Father has commanded."

Day 55 -- John 15:1-17

Verse 17, "This is my command:  Love each other."

Day 56 -- John 2:1-11

Verse 11, "This miraculous sign at Cana in Galilee was the first time Jesus revealed his glory.  And his disciples believed in him."

Day 57 -- Mark 4:35-41

Verse 40, "Then he asked them, "Why are you afraid?  Do you still have no faith?'"

Day 58 -- Matthew 14:13-21

Verse 21, "About 5,000 men were fed that day, in addition to all the women and children!"

Day 59 -- Matthew 14:22-33

Verse 27, "But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said.  "Take courage.  I am here!'"

Some interested snippets above, don't you think?  There is so much more to each sentence...an entire story that relates to how amazing Jesus is. Examples of how he proved himself over and over (not that he needed to!), so that others would believe in his power, his touch, his grace and his goodness.  

Thank God for that!

XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Days 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53

Whew, got some blog catching up to do!  My favorite passages from the past 6 days:

Day 48 - Luke 14:1-24

Verse 11, "For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Day 49 - Luke 15:1-32

Verse 10, "In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God's angels when even one sinner repents."

Day 50 - Luke 18:1-14

Verse 14, "I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God.  For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Day 51 - Matthew 13:1-58

Verse 43, "Then the righteous will shine like the sun in their Father's Kingdom.  Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!"

Day 52 - Matthew 20:1-16

Verse 16, "So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last."

Day 53 - Matthew 25:1-46

Verse 13, "So you, too, must keep watch!  For you do not know the day or hour of my return."

These were all some great stories about the travels and teachings of Jesus through his story telling, all about living righteous and humbly in anticipation of the coming of God.  I hope you will join me in reading some of the chapters above so you can also get the rest of the story.

Blessings....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 46 and 47

Day 46 -- Luke 10:25-37

Verse 27 "'...You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.  And, Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Day 47 -- Luke 12:13-21

Verse 21  "'Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.''

XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Days 43, 44, 45

Hi!

All 3 days worth of readings in this summary give valuable lessons as to how we should live our lives while on Earth.  Very good reading, very good lessons to live by, while we wait...

Day 43 -- Matthew 7:1-29

Verse 2, "For you will  be treated as you treat others.  The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged."

Day 44 -- Matthew 23:1-39

Verse 12, "But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Day 45 -- Matthew 24:1-51

Verse 36, "'However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  Only the Father knows.'"

I enjoyed these chapters very much.  Although I only chose one verse from each day's assignment to share here, these passages are full of excellent details on living justly.  They serve as great reminders of how Jesus explained we should live, in a way that is pleasing to God.  My hope is that we could all live such lives.

Love....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 39, 40, 41, 42

Day 39 -- Luke 4:31-44

Verse 40, "As the sun went down that evening, people throughout the village brought sick family members to Jesus.  No matter what their diseases were, the touch of his hand healed every one."

Day 40 -- Luke 5:1-11

Verse 11, "And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus."  Check out 1-10 to see what they landed from. :)

Day 41 -- Matthew 5:1-48

These verses are a beautiful example of the teachings of Jesus as he traveled.  He explains the laws of God that are to be followed, and explains them with example so that everyone understands how these laws should be taken and carried out.  And also explains all the blessings that will be ours from our Father God.

Verses 11-12, "'God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.  Be happy about it!  Be very glad!  For a great reward awaits you in heaven.  And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.'"

Day 42 -- Matthew 6:1-34

More teachings from Jesus on behavior when giving and praying.  To not be boastful or hypocritical and to always be sincere in your doings and in prayer.  He teaches us how to pray, privately and honestly, because our Father already knows our needs and what is in our hearts.  Tells us to not store earthly treasures, serve one God, and to be thankful for all we have, without worry.

Verse 33, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need."

Have a great day! xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 37 and 38

Luke 4:1-13

The story of the 40 days of the devil presenting Jesus with temptation.  However, verse 8 says it best,

"Jesus replied, 'The Scriptures say, 'You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him.'"

Luke 4:14-30

Verse 18-19, "'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord's favor has come.'"

Love to all xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 34, 35, and 36 :)

Day 34 - Matthew 2:1-23

The story of the 3 wise men, their travel to meet baby Jesus and present him with gifts.

Day 35 - Luke 2:41-52

The story of when Jesus was 12, his parents losing site of him when they went to Jerusalem for Passover.  Love these verses:

Verse 49, "'But why did you need to search?" He asked. "Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?'"
Verse 52, "Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people."

So amazing!

Day 36 - Matthew 3:1-17

The story of John the Baptist and his baptizing of those who have repented, with the water of the Jordan River.  Verses 13-17 speak of the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist.

Verse 16, "After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him."

Verse 17, "And a voice from heaven said, "This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.'"

Such good stuff!!
XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Day 33

Luke 2:1-40

Verse 40:  "There the child grew up healthy and strong.  He was filled with wisdom, and God's favor was on him."

Happy Friday, All!
xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 31 and 32

Luke 1:26-56 and Matthew 1:18-25

Both of these passages recall the story of how Mary was impregnated by the Holy Spirit, as a virgin, to conceive and give birth to a son who will be named Jesus.

Now this is the meat of the matter!  If you haven't read some of the accounts of how Jesus was to come to Mary, please take just a few minutes today to read these verses.

All I can do, when reading these in particular, is smile from ear to ear.

Not just because of the miracle that is being performed by God, but also because of what is to come to us through Jesus and the saving of our souls!

Night xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 30

Isaiah 61:1-11

Verse 11:  "The Sovereign Lord will show his justice to the nations of the world.  Everyone will praise him!  His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring, with plants springing up everywhere."

Blessings xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 29

Isaiah 52:13-15 and Isaiah 53:1-12

Love this verse from today's reading:

Isaiah 53:5  "But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed."

Wow...maybe we should stop and say "Thank you, Jesus" just a little, tiny more each day.

Thank you, Jesus!  xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 27 & 28

Hi!

Have a few days to catch up on.  Don't worry, I didn't neglect my readings each day, just not always easy to get on here to blog at night, even though they've been very short lately!

If you've read (I hope you have) some of the verses I've posted lately, this scripture lesson has taken us into a whole lot of fighting and talk of darkness.  And even though some of these chapters aren't easy to read, I imagine that it's important to know a lot of the details of this period in time that led up to the birth of Jesus, for sure, but also the stories help to establish the point that God was trying to make with so many of these people....which was the lesson of trust in Him.

Then, the reading for day 27, Isaiah 9:1-8, (v.1) "...that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever....".  I have to say I was somewhat relieved that it started out like that...whew, it won't go on forever...good to know!  LOL  The whole rest of this reading just made me feel good inside.  I love me some positivity.  I liked all of it, but here was my fav verse in this day's reading:

Isaiah 9:2  "The people who walk in the darkness will see a great light.  For those whole live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine."

So, yay!

Day 28 - Isaiah 42:1-9

This was another good chapter example of God trying to get through to some of his peeps.  Here's the verse to best summarize:

Isaiah 42:5:  "God, the Lord, created the heavens and stretched them out.  He created the earth and everything in it.  He gives breath to everyone, life to everyone who walks the earth..."

Yay, God!

XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Day 26

Isaiah 7:1-25

Verse 14, "All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel."

Happy Friday! xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 25

Zechariah 12 and Zechariah 13:1-9

Zechariah 13:9  "I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure.  I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold.  They will call on my name, and I will answer them.  I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"

XOXO

Scripture Challenge - Day 24

Zechariah 9:9-17

Verse 9 (in part):  "...Look, your king is coming to you.  He is righteous and victorious..."

Love how each of these readings, has at least one verse that sums up the point of the passage and shows the strength and/or goodness of our God.

Blessings xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 23

Micah 5:1-5

Verse 5 (partial):  "And he will be the source of peace..."

'Nuf said....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 19-22

Evening!

Nope, I didn't forget about my scripture challenge.  I've been doing my assigned reading each night, but have made a conscience effort to not spend as much time on FB.  Which in turn, has put my blogging of the scripture challenge a few days behind.

Here are the readings from each night, with a verse from each that spoke the most to me:

Day 19 - Psalm 110:1-7
Verse 7: "But he himself will be refreshed from the brooks along the way.  He will be victorious."

Day 20 - Psalm 118:1-29
Verse 8: "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust people."
Verse 14: "The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory."
Verse 29: "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever."

Day 21 - Genesis 12:1-9
Verse 3: "I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you."

Day 22 - Jeremiah 23:1-8
Verse 8: "Instead, they will say, 'As surely as the Lord lives, who brought the people of Israel back to their own land from the land of the north and from all the countries to which he had exiled them.' Then they will live in their own land."

I hope you will join me in reading from the above chapters of the Bible and share in the word of our God.

Blessings.....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 18

Psalm 69:1-36

Interesting that this was today's reading with how I've been feeling physically lately.

I've had consistent headaches, a scare with swelling in my leg (I've had blood clots in the same leg in the past -- this time the doc thinks it's just phlebitis, pending a venous doppler ultrasound if the pain worsens), some extra anxiety over work, home, finances, then worrying about my headaches and leg doesn't help -- kinda goes in a circle.  When I don't feel well, I panic.  I'm so afraid of getting sick in some way and not being here to raise L.J.  I have good general health (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. -- all good), but these freaking headaches freak me out and now I'n worried about my legs on top of it.  What's starting to worry me as I get into my 40's is that my grandmother and father both passed away from sudden heart attacks at relatively young ages, 68 and 59 respectively.  Hence, I start to freak about every little ache and pain.  <Sigh>

Anyway, sickness has little to do with today's reading, but since it has to do with what seems to be ... inner turmoil, it kinda tied together for me.  The inner turmoil caused by the hatred from others the writer seems to face because of his dedication and service to God.  He pleads with God for mercy for being so faithful, but also asks for a revenge of sort on his foes.

This touched me because lately I feel like I've been doing a little bit of pleading for better health.  I know that if I apply myself to better health, that God, through prayer, will help me the rest of the way.

Till tomorrow....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 17

Psalm 22:1-31

Verse 19, "O Lord, do not stay far away!  You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!"

Amen...xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 16

Psalm 2:1-12

Verse 12, ".....But what joy for all who take refuge in Him."

And there it is...xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 15

Jonah 1, 2, 3 and 4

Uh huh, Jonah...you can't run, you can't hide.  LOL

He tried, oh he tried...then prayed himself out of near death, because the Lord heard his prayers.

THEN, Jonah decided he should probably obey the Lord's instructions to go into Nineveh to deliver His message to the people there.
It took 3 days, because of the size of the city, but instantly the people, including the King, listened and obeyed the message given to them through Jonah.  A message of humbling themselves and fasting (people and animals), and focusing completely on halting any evil or wrong doings.

Guess what?  Through that repentance, God forgave them.  He halted the plans for destruction, and forgave them.

They turned to him and worshiped.  They praised and sacrificed in repentance.

If they can give up everything...even the King took off his robes and wrapped in burlap!  Can you give up just a little time everyday to invest on building a relationship with God?  All He wants us to do is come to Him and ask.

Blessings....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 14

1 Kings 8:1-21

The last verse is the perfect summary for this reading....

Verse 21: "And I have prepared a place there for the Ark, which contains the covenant that the Lord made with our ancestors when he brought them out of Egypt."

Go take a look.  :)

xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Days 12 and 13

Hi!

Well, I'm playing catch up tonight.  I was at my in-laws for the night last night and could not get my phone to connect to the network.  My Bible plan is on my phone, therefore, I didn't know what last night's assignment was.  So, read days 12 and 13 tonight.

Day 12 - Exodus 16:1-35

This is the story about Moses explaining to the people of Egypt when they fled into the wilderness, that the Lord would not let them go hungry and would supply their needs, if they obeying the orders given to them through Moses.  The instructions were laid out as to teach them the lesson that on the seventh day the Lord was to rest, and they were to rest and not come from their tents.  It was a day to worship the Lord.  To prove this to them, he gave them double the quail and bread on the sixth day so that they would have enough prepared to last them day 6 and 7. That time instead should be used to worship Him.

Day 13 - Numbers 21:4-9

Again another part of the story with the people of Egypt that fled to the wilderness with Moses complaining about the food and drink sent and being tired of the "manna" they had been provided.  So, since they continued to complain, this was a sin against the Lord and he sent snakes...Yikes!  Moses prayed for the people for the snakes to be taken away, and the Lord gave Moses instructions on creating a replica.  If they are bitten, the ONLY thing they are instructed to do is look at the bronzed snake and they will be healed.

How much more proof were they looking for?  How much more proof are you looking for that He exists, and lives, and has a plan for every day of our lives?

Believe, have faith, be still....watch the miracles of God present themselves to you!

Scripture Challenge - Day 11

Today's reading Exodus 12:1-30

This is the story of how Passover began and is explained in detail, through Moses, the instructions from God.

Interesting that this chapter was selected because to be honest, I just learned the meaning of how Passover was started a few months ago.  I was glad this chapter was selected in the scripture challenge so that I could spend more time with the story.

I encourage you to read this story as well, if it's something that didn't resonate with you when you when you first learned of it, or if, like me, you never really received the teachings of this particular story in the Bible.

It's very interesting and I'm looking forward to future readings in my challenge, as I assume that this will lead into the fact that since the Lamb of God eventually was born into human form and was sacrificed for us, there was no longer the need to a lamb to be sacrificed with his blood spread over and down the doorways to the homes in Egypt.

We Christians are always protected by the blood of Jesus and in that blessing, will receive "Passover" as night falls.

Till tomorrow....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 10

Today's reading Amos 5:1-27

Wow...this was a powerful chapter to me.  So descriptive that it made me afraid for the people not worshiping our Lord.

Verse 6: "Come back to the Lord and live!..."

Verse 15: "Hate evil and love what is good..."

Certainly the negative impact of not following His command sounded scary to me!

For example, verse 19:  "In that day you will be like a man who runs from a lion - only to meet a bear.  Escaping from the bear, he leans his hand against a wall in his house - and he's bitten by a snake."

That was the message being given to the people of Israel who had turned to serve pagan gods.  Not good, people!

I will make sure everyday to worship the One true God, our Father in Heaven.

Make no mistake.  I 100% get that He is the only light out of the darkness, and the only pure joy.

xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 9

Today's reading was Isaiah 59:1-21


God saw our sin, our evil doings - but also saw no justice for the oppressed, and He put on his armor.

The last verse of this reading sums it up, and I love it:

Isaiah 59:21 "And this is my covenant with then," says the Lord.  "My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given to you.  They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children's children forever.  I, the Lord, have spoken!

Good stuff!

xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 8

It's Monday and I'm starting week 2.

I am really enjoying this challenge and feel as though I am learning and growing and will continue to do so.

Today's reading was from Psalm 14:1-7

Wise and seeking...that's me!  :)

Peace, love and hope....xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 7

End of week 1.  I have already learned so much.  Tonight's reading was no exception.

Exodus 32 and Exodus 33:1-6

I can't believe how readily (or desperate maybe?) the people were so quick turn to anything as a god to worship....a calf made of gold?  After God helped Moses to lead them out of Egypt, they turned so quickly to anything else?

To me, this can be translated to our ways of thinking even today.  It feeds into the whole instant gratification thing.  We are SO ready to turn to anything, even something so obviously displeasing to God, just for some immediate satisfaction.

People that we know aren't good for us, too much self indulgence in matters of the flesh, addictions of any kind...we, in a way, do "worship" these things we turn to, because if we don't RIGHT NOW see what we need to see to make us whole, we will take anything.

The people in Exodus didn't see Moses when he went to the top of the mountain, needed something to worship = gold calf.

The people on Earth can't see God, needed something to satisfy a hunger = sin, self indulgence.

Seek God.  He fulfills us, physically, mentally, spiritually.

Blessings...xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 6

Happy Saturday!  Love my weekends and today was no exception!

Genesis 3:1-24 was today's reading.

Of course, the famous story of the serpent deceiving Eve into eating the apple and sharing with Adam.

One of the things I love about this story is the description given as to what was happening.  When I read this, I can really picture everything that was happening, and feel even the sensation of the breeze that was blowing.  I don't think that it's overly more descriptive that many other Bible stories, I just think that it feels very real.

I think the reason it feels real, is because we know (because of what happened in this story) what it's like to feel the guilt of sin, the shame of embarrassment.

I wonder what it would've been like had this story not happened.

If we had just remained as God initially intended...pure of mind, body and heart.

Life without even knowing what sin or shame are, never mind existing.

xoxo

Scripture Challenge - Day 5

I'm a huge believer that everything happens for a reason.  It's certainly no mistake that this is the week that I started this challenge, as this has been a very difficult week.

I am also a huge believer that when we strive to develop a deeper relationship with God, the devil jumps in there and tests our faith.

It's up to us as believers to be able to stop the devil in his tracks and tell him to get lost!

This week was pure, just ugh, and you and I both know why.  I started this challenge on Monday and the week went downhill from there.  Work, depression, feeling tested in some of my general beliefs, everywhere/everything.

Guess what?  I kept reading, I kept writing, and I will NEVER stop believing.

So to you, nasty, ugly, devil...take that....you are wasting your time trying to deter me!

With that, today's reading was from 1 Peter 2:4-10

First 5 words of verse 4, "You are coming to Christ..."

That's right, baby!
xoxo

The Scripture Challenge - Day 4

Evening!

Today's reading, Hebrews 1:1-4

Verse 4 says it better than I could summarize:

"This shows that the Son is far greater than the angels, just as the name God gave him is greater than their names."

'Nuf said.

xoxo

The Scripture Challenge - Day 3

Evening!

Today's reading was from Colossians 1: 15-23

This scripture creates an image of God for us, as told by Paul.  He creates for us an image that is regal, yet humble, and touches on how believing in Him, and believing that He was brought to death and bled on the cross in his human form, delivers us the Good News that casts away our sin.

I sure believe.  I believe that praising and honoring Him, makes us free, complete and whole.

Kisses!

100 Day Scripture Challenge - Day 2

Hi!

Today's reading was from Philippians 2:1-11

These verses start by asking us essentially, do we believe we receive comfort and fellowship, tender hearts, from belonging to Christ.
Then goes on to explain that, if so, we should be living our lives as humbly and unselfishly as He did.

It's about the attitude of us as Christians.  The face out attitude that we show the world, and also the attitude we think we are hiding in the dark.

Are you humble when you look in the mirror?  Are you too prideful and do you look down on others?  As you read this passage, keep those questions in mind.  And if you aren't living a life of gentleness and love, does something need some fixin'?

Love, till tomorrow!
Christy

**UPDATE:

Been doing some more thinking on this.  Even if we try not to place ourselves above others, how does that work with not agreeing with someones choices (perhaps morally), but still show that even though you don't necessarily approve of their choices, it doesn't mean you think you are better than them?

Seems like a fine line....if I distance myself from a situation, it doesn't mean I think I'm above what another person has chosen or who they are, it just means I have different opinions.

So then, what's the "safe" way to approach that situation, so that you don't come off as looking like you are being judgmental?

xoxo

The Scripture Challenge - Day 1

Wow long time, no talk!

OK, so I'm back on the blogging thing, because I'm on a mission.

At church yesterday, Pastor Paul challenged us to a 100 day Bible Scripture challenge.  We downloaded the "Bible" app to our phones, and signed up for "The Essential Jesus" plan through that app.  What it does is, every day, beginning today, it alerts you of the scripture you are responsible for reading on that day.  Easy enough, and something I should be dedicated to doing every day anyway.

So....in an effort to really dedicate myself to the Word and to the challenge itself, I decided that after every day's reading, I will also blog about it here.  Now with that said, I won't have a detailed analysis every day, necessarily...some verses touch each of differently and some more profoundly than others.  But, at the very minimum, I will blog the book, chapter, verse with a brief summary.  I feel that in doing this, I am also helping to share the gospel with friends and family....kinda a pay-it-forward through scripture sort of thing.

That's my 100 day commitment to Him, myself and you guys.  Ready, set....

Day 1 - John 1:1-18

In summary, this is John the Baptist telling the people that someone greater than he, is coming.  He explains that this Man coming (Jesus) is of God, from God, through God.  The true light...that no darkness can extinguish.  And that John himself as serving as witness to this light.  That He's coming in the form of man because of God's unfailing love.

I loved these first verses.  I love how excited John the Baptist is to share this news.  I love the detail he gives to the crowd about the love and light.  It was a great way to explain the coming of Jesus and to use that story to jump off this challenge.

Until tomorrow....xoxo