Letter to L.J.

After today's horrible events in Connecticut with the school shooting and so many babies and adults losing their lives unnecessarily, I find myself overcome with sadness and paralyzing fear.  There are so many thoughts running through my mind, I'm sure everyone's minds tonight, that I don't even know where to start.  I fear that everything that comes out wouldn't even make sense, as I feel completely incoherent in my mind.  So instead, I will write a letter to L.J.

Dear L.J.,

While I lay here watching you sleep, my mind swirls.  I need for you to understand some things, and I will try my best to explain.

1.  I love you.  Just 3 words, that seem so small, but mean more than you can imagine.
2.  I'm proud of you.  I'm proud of obstacles you have overcome in your 7 years.  I'm proud of who you are as a person.  Sweet and funny.  Smart and sensitive.
3.  God above all else.  Above everything in life, put God first.  You will not always understand His plan, and it's not for you to understand.  Your duty as a Christian is to live by faith.  And because of that faith, He will never see you fall.
4.  There is a lot of good in this world.  Be a part of that good.  Help others.  Use manners.  Be polite and giving.  Smile.
5.  There is a lot of bad in this world.  We cannot help, nor do we have control over, the evil that exists around us.  I wish I could promise you that bad things don't happen.  But they do.  Not all people are good.  Be trusting, but with caution.  Be alert.  Be aware.
6.  I will always, always help you, guide you, teach you, and encourage you.  In anything you choose to do in life, with school, work, relationships.  I will always be your rock.  And your soft place to fall.
7.  Our relationship will always be unconditional.  We will argue and disagree.  I will be upset with you when I don't agree with your choices.  You will be upset with me because I don't agree.  And that's ok.  It will never change how much I love you.
8.  I want to see you finish school.  I want to be at your college graduation.  I want to dance at your wedding, and hold my grandbabies.  And I will do everything, simply everything, to help you get there.

What I need from you above all else is to just come home.

When I send you to school, please come home.
When you drive off with your friends, please come home.
When I send you off to college, please come home.
When you start working and get busy with a family of your own, please come home.

All I need is for you to grow old.  Happy and healthy...and old.

You can always come home.

I love you, my sweet baby boy.
Mommy