Happy Friday!
I'm laughing to myself as I start today's post because I find it entertaining that I'm sharing with you all how my mind works. LOL It's a little unnerving. I think that I "think" way too much. Although maybe everyone "thinks" as much as I do, but not everyone feels the need to share it all on a blog. :) Most of my postings, I imagine, will be about my random thinking. Because that's the stuff on my mind. Maybe people will think it's strange, though I wonder if it's more common to be "deep in thought" than I realize for others too. It's not so much negative topics, as much as it's just the stuff that goes through my mind on various things. God, I think too much!
So, this is what is consuming my thoughts today, ready? I wonder if I'm a good a friend as I think I try to be. I wonder if I care too much, or not enough. How do other people feel about me, or feel about friendships in general? (I know, a lot about friends this week, but it's on my mind, so I'm going with it). I feel like I try to and do, value friendships. I love having friends, I love doing stuff with friends, and I love watching L.J. form those same types of bonds with others. Sometimes I feel like either 1. People don't value friendship the same as I do, or 2. People don't value MY friendship in particular. How do you know which it is? Mind you, this is not intended as a pity party or a posting for anyone to make me feel better about myself, just how my head works at night when I'm alone with my thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if people actually like me, like L.J., like doing stuff with us, or if we are just "available". Do people we consider friends, actually consider us friends too? Do I call people friend, assuming that we have a friendship, when really, they don't consider us friends at all? I often feel people pulling away, I'm going though a little of that now. And believe me, I get people are busy! Families and kids come first...I'm totally on board with that. But sometimes I wonder if they are really that busy, or just too busy for me. How do you know? I guess you eventually know, if you tie this back to my last post, when people really pull away and you just don't hear from them at all. How do you not become the person that someone can't get rid of? LOL I don't want to ever be that "friend" that someone can't seem to shake. I want people to want to be my friend. So then I get to the point of, I think I care too much about who wants to be my friend. I went through a long period as an adult where I was so involved in married life, that yes, I had few friends here and there, but not a group of friends to do stuff with often. When I had L.J. all of that changed. It changed initially because he was at home with us, so in an effort to socialize him I joined mom's groups. And from there we formed friendships, or at least what I consider friendships. And the kicker is that now that I have those relationships, I realize what I was missing all those years I was tied up with "just" being a wife. I was missing out! Now, I can't imagine going back to that. I LOVE my family. I love doing stuff with Luis and L.J., just our little family. But I also love having friends and having lots of stuff to do. How do you keep the friendships you value? Well, first and foremost, it definitely takes two. I've had relationships, I'm sure we all have, where you are just the ONLY one doing the work. All the giver and the other person all the taker. And as old as that can get, I still try to be a good friend. Funny thing is that the taker is typically the one that pulls away first, when the giving slows down because the giver is just plain tired of the one way street. But the good, solid friendships, where it's a loving, two way street...how do you keep those going so that you stay on the same page as friends, and have mutual feelings and respect? Those are the friendships I need to worry about...and the thing is, if they are true friendships, there shouldn't BE anything to worry about! I guess that's how you know it's "real". It's easy. It's mutual. You could not talk for a month, but when you do, you pick right up from where you left off and it's never awkward or weird or strained. I LOVE those friends and value those friendships.
I hope they truly feel the same...xoxo
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