Did I even spell that right...doosy, doosey? Irrelevant, I suppose.
Funny that I haven't blogged since July 26th, and it's going to be about the exact same thing. Apparently this whole parenting thing is important to me, because it bothers me more than anything, and it's seemingly the thing I suck at the most.
This post will be very repetitious if you read the last one, so I apologize in advance.
First off, I'm going to put myself in the hospital if I don't calm down, hence the blogging. My head is about to explode and my heart is racing. Maybe the amount of pressure I put on myself to be a good mom is the same amount of good behavior I expect from L.J. and I'm setting us both up to fail.
I've said it before, saying it again, I'm a perfectionist about so many things, being mom is at the top of the list. It's so beyond important to me that maybe I'm just getting it all wrong. Sometimes I feel like a good mom, I "think" (and maybe I'm completely fooling myself) that L.J. is a sweet, kind-hearted, witty, outgoing, fun kid. Can someone please just tell me if I'm wrong? Maybe I'll stop kidding myself. I know everyone thinks that about their kids, so maybe I'm just an ass who can't see reality. Of course I see him bicker with other kids, bother another child here and there, talk incessantly, lose focus, lack maturity....isn't that being 6? Apparently not, or he's an off the charts exception to the rule, if you were to see the notes from school.
Since I last blogged, I got L.J. pulled from his hearing impaired class and put into a mainstream kindergarten class. He gets in his "usual" trouble, talking too much, losing focus...but now I guess him snatching and what he views as silliness (looking under bathroom stalls) is more than anyone can handle...or is willing to handle? Being hearing impaired, mainstreamed or not, still leaves him with a few special needs, though not enough to warrant (in my opinion) him being sent back to a special ed situation, which would EXTREMELY hold him back.
For example:
1. He gets in trouble for touching others. For hearing impaired people, touch is a huge form of communication. When kids ignore him or don't pay attention, he touches them because in his world, he thinks they don't hear him and he gets frustrated. Not hitting, just touching to get them to look.
2. He gets in trouble for what he thinks is just being silly. He IS silly...it's his personality. And I would never want to change who he is at the core. Keeping in mind that all of his friends are younger, and for 2 years in school he was with younger kids. He's needs a real chance to mature to his level.
3. He gets in trouble for snatching and being rude to others. I've seen him snatch of course, rudeness is unacceptable and something I don't really see at home. Isn't that all kinda an age thing?
4. He gets in trouble for talking and not focusing, most of all. First things first. He didn't even START to learn how to talk until almost 4 years old. It's kinda still like having a new toy. He talks well enough now to hold conversations, and he wants to do so. Is it appropriate during class time, no, of course not, and I don't condone it. Is it something he just needs some time and assistance working through when it's appropriate, yes, I think so.
So there is the gist of it. So what the heck am I doing wrong??? I am in tears almost every night. He's very difficult to punish. I know there are great ideas out there, and I feel like I've tried so much of it.
1. He's punished to his room every time he gets anything other than a happy face.
2. Taken toys away. Electronics. He can't play my phone games.
3. Called Santa/Easter Bunny whatever based on time of year.
4. Cancelled play dates. Cancelled sports practices.
5. He also has positive reinforcements that aren't working. A trip to Walmart for a small toy for a week's worth of happy faces. A new game on my phone for 4 happy faces. 1 happy face a day means an extra nighttime story, which he loves.
I don't know what the answers are anymore, and it's kindergarten. What am I going to do? Now the teachers want to meet with me. I'm afraid they are going to ask me to send him back to the hearing impaired class/school. It would be such a slap in the face for him and a huge setback on so many levels. But...did I move him too soon? I just don't think so, because he's learning SO much. I know they say he's not focused, but he hears them at some point, because he's learning!
Holding him back to a special ed environment is not the answer. He will stop learning, AND get in even more trouble because he will be bored. Good Lord, I don't know what to do.
So...now I will beat myself up some more. As a mom, am I focused on the wrong things? I talk to him CONSTANTLY about the importance of school and the importance of good behavior in school. I'm ALWAYS correcting him when his behavior is out of line. And I'm consistent with it. He's an only, so he gets a lot of attention and always has. He's also spoiled. I know that. I also don't want to beat him down so that he loses a piece of himself either. I love that he's silly and fun. He has a bright demeanor and he's loving. This constant trouble is going to take that brightness away.
How do I make sure his confidence, the love he feels, his light, all stay in tact, while showing tough love for his behavior? I do a lot of activities with him, pay him a lot of attention, pay good attention to his physical well being, but I'm screwing up somewhere.
Here's the thing with him, I can yell, take stuff away, punish him, etc. As soon as he's out of punishment and gets a hug and kiss from me, all is right in his world, and he doesn't even remember being in trouble...he's that light hearted. Nothing makes an impact with this kid for very long. I'm glad he's confident in my love for him, but he seriously doesn't care about anything else that I could do. How do you punish a kid like that...for it to make an impact?
See, it just happened again, "Mommy may I have some juice? Thank you, Mommy. See I'm using good manners right Mommy? OK, I love you." He's punished in his room, but he's good to go....
So gonna try this new punishment. He still sleeps with me (I know, I know). Tonight, he's sleeping in his room. Again, I know that shouldn't be a punishment because then he'll never want to sleep in there because he will think he's in trouble..I get it, I'm smarter than I look. But I'm looking for anything that will make an impact. No story time and not sleeping with Mommy, should??? We shall see.
In the meantime, I'm still trying, really I am. I don't want or expect him to be a robot either. I just need him to understand the balance of when it's appropriate to be silly and when it's not. And to stop the freaking snatching, etc.
God knows, I want nothing else in the entire world but to be a good mom to this little boy. I don't want to fail him.
