Why is it so easy to give advice to others, and sound somewhat intelligent doing so, but so very hard to listen to your own advice?
I'm a decent listener. I have lots of people in my life come to me in trust with their issues looking for my input, advice, and sometimes just an ear. I usually have an opinion (ok, I always have an opinion), and a lot of times, I feel like the advice, encouragement, words of wisdom that I give sound like they may work. Lots of times friends have left our private conversations feeling better and feeling a new sense of "OK, I can do this", because of our talk.
I listen to marriage problems (because God knows I should have some sort of "Expert" badge, and can probably relate). Problems with kids (see prior note). Family issues, issues with other friends. I listen. I feel like most of the time I say the right thing....to everyone else.
But when it comes to my life, my marriage, my kid, my friends, my whatever, I feel like I basically suck.
And the kicker is, I know what's right. I know what the answer is, 99% of the time. But maybe when it's about us, the blinders go up and we don't want to hear it? Or it seems like it would work for anyone else, but not our own situation? I feel like nothing I do is good enough.
Funny how this blog has just turned into the place I go to complain. I think, even when we think we are honest with the people in our lives, for some reason the REAL honesty feels safe in this blog. Like maybe no one will see it, but it's good to get it out. What's funny about it, is that I have this strong, optimistic outward appearance, but most of the time on the inside, I feel like a complete, psychotic, mess.
Because I put so much pressure on myself and those around me, and because I always feel like it's never good enough, I incessantly have this inner struggle. Most of the time I just feel like a big screw up. I'm sure this is comforting to those who respect my opinion. LOL
I by no means expect to be perfect, nor do I expect L.J. to be perfect. So what am I looking for, to feel like a successful woman and mother?
What's the right balance, the right mix, that's going to make me think that maybe I can do something right?
Why am I so depressed on the inside, and so afraid to show it?
Right now, I am miserably disgusted with myself. I feel like a complete and utter failure at everything I do.
So there it is...
