Why is it so easy to give advice to others, and sound somewhat intelligent doing so, but so very hard to listen to your own advice?
I'm a decent listener. I have lots of people in my life come to me in trust with their issues looking for my input, advice, and sometimes just an ear. I usually have an opinion (ok, I always have an opinion), and a lot of times, I feel like the advice, encouragement, words of wisdom that I give sound like they may work. Lots of times friends have left our private conversations feeling better and feeling a new sense of "OK, I can do this", because of our talk.
I listen to marriage problems (because God knows I should have some sort of "Expert" badge, and can probably relate). Problems with kids (see prior note). Family issues, issues with other friends. I listen. I feel like most of the time I say the right thing....to everyone else.
But when it comes to my life, my marriage, my kid, my friends, my whatever, I feel like I basically suck.
And the kicker is, I know what's right. I know what the answer is, 99% of the time. But maybe when it's about us, the blinders go up and we don't want to hear it? Or it seems like it would work for anyone else, but not our own situation? I feel like nothing I do is good enough.
Funny how this blog has just turned into the place I go to complain. I think, even when we think we are honest with the people in our lives, for some reason the REAL honesty feels safe in this blog. Like maybe no one will see it, but it's good to get it out. What's funny about it, is that I have this strong, optimistic outward appearance, but most of the time on the inside, I feel like a complete, psychotic, mess.
Because I put so much pressure on myself and those around me, and because I always feel like it's never good enough, I incessantly have this inner struggle. Most of the time I just feel like a big screw up. I'm sure this is comforting to those who respect my opinion. LOL
I by no means expect to be perfect, nor do I expect L.J. to be perfect. So what am I looking for, to feel like a successful woman and mother?
What's the right balance, the right mix, that's going to make me think that maybe I can do something right?
Why am I so depressed on the inside, and so afraid to show it?
Right now, I am miserably disgusted with myself. I feel like a complete and utter failure at everything I do.
So there it is...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
It's Gonna Be a Doosey
Did I even spell that right...doosy, doosey? Irrelevant, I suppose.
Funny that I haven't blogged since July 26th, and it's going to be about the exact same thing. Apparently this whole parenting thing is important to me, because it bothers me more than anything, and it's seemingly the thing I suck at the most.
This post will be very repetitious if you read the last one, so I apologize in advance.
First off, I'm going to put myself in the hospital if I don't calm down, hence the blogging. My head is about to explode and my heart is racing. Maybe the amount of pressure I put on myself to be a good mom is the same amount of good behavior I expect from L.J. and I'm setting us both up to fail.
I've said it before, saying it again, I'm a perfectionist about so many things, being mom is at the top of the list. It's so beyond important to me that maybe I'm just getting it all wrong. Sometimes I feel like a good mom, I "think" (and maybe I'm completely fooling myself) that L.J. is a sweet, kind-hearted, witty, outgoing, fun kid. Can someone please just tell me if I'm wrong? Maybe I'll stop kidding myself. I know everyone thinks that about their kids, so maybe I'm just an ass who can't see reality. Of course I see him bicker with other kids, bother another child here and there, talk incessantly, lose focus, lack maturity....isn't that being 6? Apparently not, or he's an off the charts exception to the rule, if you were to see the notes from school.
Since I last blogged, I got L.J. pulled from his hearing impaired class and put into a mainstream kindergarten class. He gets in his "usual" trouble, talking too much, losing focus...but now I guess him snatching and what he views as silliness (looking under bathroom stalls) is more than anyone can handle...or is willing to handle? Being hearing impaired, mainstreamed or not, still leaves him with a few special needs, though not enough to warrant (in my opinion) him being sent back to a special ed situation, which would EXTREMELY hold him back.
For example:
1. He gets in trouble for touching others. For hearing impaired people, touch is a huge form of communication. When kids ignore him or don't pay attention, he touches them because in his world, he thinks they don't hear him and he gets frustrated. Not hitting, just touching to get them to look.
2. He gets in trouble for what he thinks is just being silly. He IS silly...it's his personality. And I would never want to change who he is at the core. Keeping in mind that all of his friends are younger, and for 2 years in school he was with younger kids. He's needs a real chance to mature to his level.
3. He gets in trouble for snatching and being rude to others. I've seen him snatch of course, rudeness is unacceptable and something I don't really see at home. Isn't that all kinda an age thing?
4. He gets in trouble for talking and not focusing, most of all. First things first. He didn't even START to learn how to talk until almost 4 years old. It's kinda still like having a new toy. He talks well enough now to hold conversations, and he wants to do so. Is it appropriate during class time, no, of course not, and I don't condone it. Is it something he just needs some time and assistance working through when it's appropriate, yes, I think so.
So there is the gist of it. So what the heck am I doing wrong??? I am in tears almost every night. He's very difficult to punish. I know there are great ideas out there, and I feel like I've tried so much of it.
1. He's punished to his room every time he gets anything other than a happy face.
2. Taken toys away. Electronics. He can't play my phone games.
3. Called Santa/Easter Bunny whatever based on time of year.
4. Cancelled play dates. Cancelled sports practices.
5. He also has positive reinforcements that aren't working. A trip to Walmart for a small toy for a week's worth of happy faces. A new game on my phone for 4 happy faces. 1 happy face a day means an extra nighttime story, which he loves.
I don't know what the answers are anymore, and it's kindergarten. What am I going to do? Now the teachers want to meet with me. I'm afraid they are going to ask me to send him back to the hearing impaired class/school. It would be such a slap in the face for him and a huge setback on so many levels. But...did I move him too soon? I just don't think so, because he's learning SO much. I know they say he's not focused, but he hears them at some point, because he's learning!
Holding him back to a special ed environment is not the answer. He will stop learning, AND get in even more trouble because he will be bored. Good Lord, I don't know what to do.
So...now I will beat myself up some more. As a mom, am I focused on the wrong things? I talk to him CONSTANTLY about the importance of school and the importance of good behavior in school. I'm ALWAYS correcting him when his behavior is out of line. And I'm consistent with it. He's an only, so he gets a lot of attention and always has. He's also spoiled. I know that. I also don't want to beat him down so that he loses a piece of himself either. I love that he's silly and fun. He has a bright demeanor and he's loving. This constant trouble is going to take that brightness away.
How do I make sure his confidence, the love he feels, his light, all stay in tact, while showing tough love for his behavior? I do a lot of activities with him, pay him a lot of attention, pay good attention to his physical well being, but I'm screwing up somewhere.
Here's the thing with him, I can yell, take stuff away, punish him, etc. As soon as he's out of punishment and gets a hug and kiss from me, all is right in his world, and he doesn't even remember being in trouble...he's that light hearted. Nothing makes an impact with this kid for very long. I'm glad he's confident in my love for him, but he seriously doesn't care about anything else that I could do. How do you punish a kid like that...for it to make an impact?
See, it just happened again, "Mommy may I have some juice? Thank you, Mommy. See I'm using good manners right Mommy? OK, I love you." He's punished in his room, but he's good to go....
So gonna try this new punishment. He still sleeps with me (I know, I know). Tonight, he's sleeping in his room. Again, I know that shouldn't be a punishment because then he'll never want to sleep in there because he will think he's in trouble..I get it, I'm smarter than I look. But I'm looking for anything that will make an impact. No story time and not sleeping with Mommy, should??? We shall see.
In the meantime, I'm still trying, really I am. I don't want or expect him to be a robot either. I just need him to understand the balance of when it's appropriate to be silly and when it's not. And to stop the freaking snatching, etc.
God knows, I want nothing else in the entire world but to be a good mom to this little boy. I don't want to fail him.
Funny that I haven't blogged since July 26th, and it's going to be about the exact same thing. Apparently this whole parenting thing is important to me, because it bothers me more than anything, and it's seemingly the thing I suck at the most.
This post will be very repetitious if you read the last one, so I apologize in advance.
First off, I'm going to put myself in the hospital if I don't calm down, hence the blogging. My head is about to explode and my heart is racing. Maybe the amount of pressure I put on myself to be a good mom is the same amount of good behavior I expect from L.J. and I'm setting us both up to fail.
I've said it before, saying it again, I'm a perfectionist about so many things, being mom is at the top of the list. It's so beyond important to me that maybe I'm just getting it all wrong. Sometimes I feel like a good mom, I "think" (and maybe I'm completely fooling myself) that L.J. is a sweet, kind-hearted, witty, outgoing, fun kid. Can someone please just tell me if I'm wrong? Maybe I'll stop kidding myself. I know everyone thinks that about their kids, so maybe I'm just an ass who can't see reality. Of course I see him bicker with other kids, bother another child here and there, talk incessantly, lose focus, lack maturity....isn't that being 6? Apparently not, or he's an off the charts exception to the rule, if you were to see the notes from school.
Since I last blogged, I got L.J. pulled from his hearing impaired class and put into a mainstream kindergarten class. He gets in his "usual" trouble, talking too much, losing focus...but now I guess him snatching and what he views as silliness (looking under bathroom stalls) is more than anyone can handle...or is willing to handle? Being hearing impaired, mainstreamed or not, still leaves him with a few special needs, though not enough to warrant (in my opinion) him being sent back to a special ed situation, which would EXTREMELY hold him back.
For example:
1. He gets in trouble for touching others. For hearing impaired people, touch is a huge form of communication. When kids ignore him or don't pay attention, he touches them because in his world, he thinks they don't hear him and he gets frustrated. Not hitting, just touching to get them to look.
2. He gets in trouble for what he thinks is just being silly. He IS silly...it's his personality. And I would never want to change who he is at the core. Keeping in mind that all of his friends are younger, and for 2 years in school he was with younger kids. He's needs a real chance to mature to his level.
3. He gets in trouble for snatching and being rude to others. I've seen him snatch of course, rudeness is unacceptable and something I don't really see at home. Isn't that all kinda an age thing?
4. He gets in trouble for talking and not focusing, most of all. First things first. He didn't even START to learn how to talk until almost 4 years old. It's kinda still like having a new toy. He talks well enough now to hold conversations, and he wants to do so. Is it appropriate during class time, no, of course not, and I don't condone it. Is it something he just needs some time and assistance working through when it's appropriate, yes, I think so.
So there is the gist of it. So what the heck am I doing wrong??? I am in tears almost every night. He's very difficult to punish. I know there are great ideas out there, and I feel like I've tried so much of it.
1. He's punished to his room every time he gets anything other than a happy face.
2. Taken toys away. Electronics. He can't play my phone games.
3. Called Santa/Easter Bunny whatever based on time of year.
4. Cancelled play dates. Cancelled sports practices.
5. He also has positive reinforcements that aren't working. A trip to Walmart for a small toy for a week's worth of happy faces. A new game on my phone for 4 happy faces. 1 happy face a day means an extra nighttime story, which he loves.
I don't know what the answers are anymore, and it's kindergarten. What am I going to do? Now the teachers want to meet with me. I'm afraid they are going to ask me to send him back to the hearing impaired class/school. It would be such a slap in the face for him and a huge setback on so many levels. But...did I move him too soon? I just don't think so, because he's learning SO much. I know they say he's not focused, but he hears them at some point, because he's learning!
Holding him back to a special ed environment is not the answer. He will stop learning, AND get in even more trouble because he will be bored. Good Lord, I don't know what to do.
So...now I will beat myself up some more. As a mom, am I focused on the wrong things? I talk to him CONSTANTLY about the importance of school and the importance of good behavior in school. I'm ALWAYS correcting him when his behavior is out of line. And I'm consistent with it. He's an only, so he gets a lot of attention and always has. He's also spoiled. I know that. I also don't want to beat him down so that he loses a piece of himself either. I love that he's silly and fun. He has a bright demeanor and he's loving. This constant trouble is going to take that brightness away.
How do I make sure his confidence, the love he feels, his light, all stay in tact, while showing tough love for his behavior? I do a lot of activities with him, pay him a lot of attention, pay good attention to his physical well being, but I'm screwing up somewhere.
Here's the thing with him, I can yell, take stuff away, punish him, etc. As soon as he's out of punishment and gets a hug and kiss from me, all is right in his world, and he doesn't even remember being in trouble...he's that light hearted. Nothing makes an impact with this kid for very long. I'm glad he's confident in my love for him, but he seriously doesn't care about anything else that I could do. How do you punish a kid like that...for it to make an impact?
See, it just happened again, "Mommy may I have some juice? Thank you, Mommy. See I'm using good manners right Mommy? OK, I love you." He's punished in his room, but he's good to go....
So gonna try this new punishment. He still sleeps with me (I know, I know). Tonight, he's sleeping in his room. Again, I know that shouldn't be a punishment because then he'll never want to sleep in there because he will think he's in trouble..I get it, I'm smarter than I look. But I'm looking for anything that will make an impact. No story time and not sleeping with Mommy, should??? We shall see.
In the meantime, I'm still trying, really I am. I don't want or expect him to be a robot either. I just need him to understand the balance of when it's appropriate to be silly and when it's not. And to stop the freaking snatching, etc.
God knows, I want nothing else in the entire world but to be a good mom to this little boy. I don't want to fail him.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Why Is There No Instruction Book?
Sighhhhhhhh....
Just when you think you got the mommy thing figured out.
L.J. has been misbehaving at school the last few days...to the point that today, I even got a phone call from the lead VPK teacher. I won't get into it, but basic not listening, sprinkled with just off the wall wildness. They understand, to a point, that he's trying to be funny, get attention, and is not malicious in his intent, and is a sweetheart....but....obviously in school is not necessarily the place for his "performances".
With that said, it completely and totally puts me over the edge when he misbehaves. I have very low tolerance for it. And I can't figure out if I expect too much from him as a 5 year old boy, or if I expect too much from myself as a mom. Because when he gets in trouble, I 100% internalize it. I think it is absolutely my fault, and I am the worst mother to ever walk the face of the Earth.
Sometimes I think I can't be 'that' bad. Because he is a sweet, loving, kind (most of the time) kid. He's a leader and very outgoing and funny. But those same traits get him into trouble. And I feel like I'm failing on how to teach him the proper place and time for his antics.
At almost 6 years old, I'm having a harder and harder time buying into people saying "he's only 5" or "he's acting like a normal 5 year old boy". It's just not acceptable to me any more. I feel like some of what he does is very immature for his age, and unnecessary and uncalled for. 5 year old boy, or not.
So, I sit here for the last few days wondering where I went wrong. Is he doomed to this life of misbehavior and immaturity? I know, I'm being irrational and dramatic with that statement, but really, when does it end and get better? And what the hell am I doing wrong?
I am, by nature, very Type A and a perfectionist about many things, and very hard on myself. But I seriously question my mother abilities. I have to be going wrong somewhere if I can't teach my son how to act appropriately at school, or how to treat his teachers with more respect.
Is this why it took me so long to have him? If I am not capable at 40, no wonder I didn't have him any younger, and no wonder I only have one. God knows I don't want to be a failure at even more than one child.
How can you love someone so much, yet feel like you are completely failing them? I am, essentially, his life. I am the one solid in his life, and the one he's always had. He doesn't depend on anyone like he depends on me to take care of him and do what's right for him. And I feel like I am letting him down. I'm letting myself down. I'm letting everyone down.
I feel like I'm not even worthy of being his mom, because I'm not doing it right anyway. :'(
Sorry for the pity party. Good Night. xoxo
Just when you think you got the mommy thing figured out.
L.J. has been misbehaving at school the last few days...to the point that today, I even got a phone call from the lead VPK teacher. I won't get into it, but basic not listening, sprinkled with just off the wall wildness. They understand, to a point, that he's trying to be funny, get attention, and is not malicious in his intent, and is a sweetheart....but....obviously in school is not necessarily the place for his "performances".
With that said, it completely and totally puts me over the edge when he misbehaves. I have very low tolerance for it. And I can't figure out if I expect too much from him as a 5 year old boy, or if I expect too much from myself as a mom. Because when he gets in trouble, I 100% internalize it. I think it is absolutely my fault, and I am the worst mother to ever walk the face of the Earth.
Sometimes I think I can't be 'that' bad. Because he is a sweet, loving, kind (most of the time) kid. He's a leader and very outgoing and funny. But those same traits get him into trouble. And I feel like I'm failing on how to teach him the proper place and time for his antics.
At almost 6 years old, I'm having a harder and harder time buying into people saying "he's only 5" or "he's acting like a normal 5 year old boy". It's just not acceptable to me any more. I feel like some of what he does is very immature for his age, and unnecessary and uncalled for. 5 year old boy, or not.
So, I sit here for the last few days wondering where I went wrong. Is he doomed to this life of misbehavior and immaturity? I know, I'm being irrational and dramatic with that statement, but really, when does it end and get better? And what the hell am I doing wrong?
I am, by nature, very Type A and a perfectionist about many things, and very hard on myself. But I seriously question my mother abilities. I have to be going wrong somewhere if I can't teach my son how to act appropriately at school, or how to treat his teachers with more respect.
Is this why it took me so long to have him? If I am not capable at 40, no wonder I didn't have him any younger, and no wonder I only have one. God knows I don't want to be a failure at even more than one child.
How can you love someone so much, yet feel like you are completely failing them? I am, essentially, his life. I am the one solid in his life, and the one he's always had. He doesn't depend on anyone like he depends on me to take care of him and do what's right for him. And I feel like I am letting him down. I'm letting myself down. I'm letting everyone down.
I feel like I'm not even worthy of being his mom, because I'm not doing it right anyway. :'(
Sorry for the pity party. Good Night. xoxo
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Talk...
What a roller coaster week. Not necessarily in a bad way, just feel like I have been all over the place, mentally. Besides work drama, L.J. got his new hearing aids, we had some long awaited answers to some financial type issues, etc. Nothing over the top, just life, I guess. You know how things always seem to happen all at once!
Anyway, L.J. and I were at dinner tonight (Luis has spent a few days at his family's house this week -- nothing wrong, just visiting), and I was making some observations that made me think.
First of all, some people are just plain grouchy. My goodness, lighten up people! I have bad days the same as anyone, but if I had to go through life just being a generally unhappy person, I would go insane. So not me!
Not everyone, of course. Some people actually renew my hope in man kind.
L.J. is at the age where he wants me to read EVERYTHING to him. Which is fine, I like doing it, and I help him sound out the words with me. When I was taking him to school this morning, he asked me to read the back of the school bus that was in front of the school. I was and I was touching the words helping him sound them out, I didn't realize the driver and assistant were on the bus watching. Do you know they invited L.J. on the bus and took like just 3 or 4 minutes with him to show him how all the buttons work to turn on the lights and all? It only took a few minutes out of their day, but it made his whole day, and they probably don't even know. He walked off the bus and said, "Wow.... Mommy, that was awesome!" LOL
So simple, but so important to a little boy. Or any child, for people to just take the time with them. You never, ever know how the simplest of gestures may impact another person's day...positive or negative.
So think about it next time you're a grouch...especially to a kid, no wait, especially to MY kid.
L.J. LOVES to sing/dance/act. If you know him, you know that all too well. :) So at the table he was singing me this penguin song he learned at school (which I also love because it's helped to teach him left from right...score!). Do you know that he was dirty looked by adults from 2 different tables? Really people? He's 5, and he likes to entertain....he wasn't screaming, he was singing while we waited for dinner.
So bonus for you, dinner AND a free show....GAH, lighten up!
Then secondly, I noticed something more. These same 2 couples from 2 different tables, discussed over menus, I assume what they would be ordering....then never spoke again. Isn't that sad? They ordered, and all 4 adults gazed out of the windows like they wanted to be anywhere else, other than sitting across from the person whom I assume, is supposed to be the love of their life.
Based on how they were all dressed, I also assume they had been at work all day. And they were all probably in their 40's (so maybe kids, certainly work, geez even the weather) and there is nothing to talk about? Then I almost understood why they were aggravated by L.J.'s apparent happiness.
My child's simple, pure happiness reminded them of how unhappy they were, in that same moment. He wasn't "bothering" them, he made their insides hurt -- he made them sad. Yes, I know I overanalyze things, but just stay with me.
I know everyone is not happy and joyful every minute or every day. Luis and I have had MORE than enough drama for about 10 marriages. But it was more than that for those 2 couples. It was all over their faces, in their posture and body language. If you don't have anything else to talk about, then what's the point?
With ALL that we have been through in our marriage, and even things we still go through (I believe marriage is always a work in progress), I still go to bed every night knowing that I'm married to my best friend...even if we had a bad day. And with him out of work and me working from home, we are together ALL. THE. TIME. But we still talk constantly!
So instead of being defensive that they obviously didn't appreciate my son's entertainment as much as I, I smiled at them as we got up to leave. Only one of the 4 smiled back. But, just like the bus driver this morning, you never, ever know how the simplest of gestures may impact another person's day...positive or negative.
If I had dirty looked them back, all that would've done was confirm the sadness/disgust/unhappiness, whatever it is they were feeling in that moment would have been confirmed by another "grouchy" person. I don't want to be that person to anyone, not even a stranger if I can help it. Even L.J. made eye contact with them and said goodbye.
If you don't have anything to talk about at dinner out with your life partner, think of something. Don't look out of a window. Be present.
Be present so the other person feels you. And they in turn will be present.
Talk about anything, or smile, and reach for their hand. And say nothing. But BE there.
One day they won't be. And you'll wish you had someone to talk to, as opposed to sitting quietly, looking out of a window.
xoxo
Anyway, L.J. and I were at dinner tonight (Luis has spent a few days at his family's house this week -- nothing wrong, just visiting), and I was making some observations that made me think.
First of all, some people are just plain grouchy. My goodness, lighten up people! I have bad days the same as anyone, but if I had to go through life just being a generally unhappy person, I would go insane. So not me!
Not everyone, of course. Some people actually renew my hope in man kind.
L.J. is at the age where he wants me to read EVERYTHING to him. Which is fine, I like doing it, and I help him sound out the words with me. When I was taking him to school this morning, he asked me to read the back of the school bus that was in front of the school. I was and I was touching the words helping him sound them out, I didn't realize the driver and assistant were on the bus watching. Do you know they invited L.J. on the bus and took like just 3 or 4 minutes with him to show him how all the buttons work to turn on the lights and all? It only took a few minutes out of their day, but it made his whole day, and they probably don't even know. He walked off the bus and said, "Wow.... Mommy, that was awesome!" LOL
So simple, but so important to a little boy. Or any child, for people to just take the time with them. You never, ever know how the simplest of gestures may impact another person's day...positive or negative.
So think about it next time you're a grouch...especially to a kid, no wait, especially to MY kid.
L.J. LOVES to sing/dance/act. If you know him, you know that all too well. :) So at the table he was singing me this penguin song he learned at school (which I also love because it's helped to teach him left from right...score!). Do you know that he was dirty looked by adults from 2 different tables? Really people? He's 5, and he likes to entertain....he wasn't screaming, he was singing while we waited for dinner.
So bonus for you, dinner AND a free show....GAH, lighten up!
Then secondly, I noticed something more. These same 2 couples from 2 different tables, discussed over menus, I assume what they would be ordering....then never spoke again. Isn't that sad? They ordered, and all 4 adults gazed out of the windows like they wanted to be anywhere else, other than sitting across from the person whom I assume, is supposed to be the love of their life.
Based on how they were all dressed, I also assume they had been at work all day. And they were all probably in their 40's (so maybe kids, certainly work, geez even the weather) and there is nothing to talk about? Then I almost understood why they were aggravated by L.J.'s apparent happiness.
My child's simple, pure happiness reminded them of how unhappy they were, in that same moment. He wasn't "bothering" them, he made their insides hurt -- he made them sad. Yes, I know I overanalyze things, but just stay with me.
I know everyone is not happy and joyful every minute or every day. Luis and I have had MORE than enough drama for about 10 marriages. But it was more than that for those 2 couples. It was all over their faces, in their posture and body language. If you don't have anything else to talk about, then what's the point?
With ALL that we have been through in our marriage, and even things we still go through (I believe marriage is always a work in progress), I still go to bed every night knowing that I'm married to my best friend...even if we had a bad day. And with him out of work and me working from home, we are together ALL. THE. TIME. But we still talk constantly!
So instead of being defensive that they obviously didn't appreciate my son's entertainment as much as I, I smiled at them as we got up to leave. Only one of the 4 smiled back. But, just like the bus driver this morning, you never, ever know how the simplest of gestures may impact another person's day...positive or negative.
If I had dirty looked them back, all that would've done was confirm the sadness/disgust/unhappiness, whatever it is they were feeling in that moment would have been confirmed by another "grouchy" person. I don't want to be that person to anyone, not even a stranger if I can help it. Even L.J. made eye contact with them and said goodbye.
If you don't have anything to talk about at dinner out with your life partner, think of something. Don't look out of a window. Be present.
Be present so the other person feels you. And they in turn will be present.
Talk about anything, or smile, and reach for their hand. And say nothing. But BE there.
One day they won't be. And you'll wish you had someone to talk to, as opposed to sitting quietly, looking out of a window.
xoxo
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
True Love?
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or not even at first sight, necessarily, but quick love (a few weeks or a few months)? Real love. Is that possible, for it to happen that quickly?
I think when you're young you absolutely think that what you feel is real, true love. It's an intense, new feeling, and since you have no other way to describe it, because it's new, you call it love (correctly or incorrectly).
Fast forward several years, and you definitely learn that, as intense as your feelings were when you were younger, with your current partner or a previous one, that it probably wasn't "really" love. Let me clarify what I mean by love. I think that you can have a certain love for people you've only known a short time (include in this the possibilities that it could just be deep 'like', or lust, or just a caring for that person). But real, true, soul-completing, love? Nope, I don't believe it, not in the way I mean.
I mean a love that is so intense, that you climb mountains together, and through the worst of storms, you eventually come out on top, and together. A love that you are sure that though sickness, health, rich or poor, you REALLY would stay together. And I don't think you can honestly answer that in a newer love, because you haven't faced any of those challenges yet, so truly you don't know what you would do.
True love transcends time, trials, troubles. And through all of those things, your love may not always be as intense, but it's always there.
Also, I totally think that through the course of your life you can have a real love with more than one person. People get remarried all the time, and I believe that they loved their first spouse at the time, and some relationships aren't always going to be forever. And I believe you could love your second (or more) spouse with as much, if not more, love than the first.
But in saying that, I don't believe it's possible to love EVERYONE you've ever been with. I don't think that every relationship is true love, regardless of how you think you feel at the time. There is no way that every person you have a relationship with is "the one". There are those relationships in which the dating is really enough. And it's new and fun, potentially lustful, and caring, but are they all "love"? No.
Don't be so fooled and rushed to fall in "love" that you sacrifice you who are, just to be in "love".
And don't ever be afraid to be alone. Or just date someone. Every single relationship doesn't have to be the end all, be all.
Love yourself first and foremost. And love yourself enough to just "be". You don't have to be constantly in a hot and heavy relationship just to feel validated as a worthy human being. You are enough just as you.
XOXO
I think when you're young you absolutely think that what you feel is real, true love. It's an intense, new feeling, and since you have no other way to describe it, because it's new, you call it love (correctly or incorrectly).
Fast forward several years, and you definitely learn that, as intense as your feelings were when you were younger, with your current partner or a previous one, that it probably wasn't "really" love. Let me clarify what I mean by love. I think that you can have a certain love for people you've only known a short time (include in this the possibilities that it could just be deep 'like', or lust, or just a caring for that person). But real, true, soul-completing, love? Nope, I don't believe it, not in the way I mean.
I mean a love that is so intense, that you climb mountains together, and through the worst of storms, you eventually come out on top, and together. A love that you are sure that though sickness, health, rich or poor, you REALLY would stay together. And I don't think you can honestly answer that in a newer love, because you haven't faced any of those challenges yet, so truly you don't know what you would do.
True love transcends time, trials, troubles. And through all of those things, your love may not always be as intense, but it's always there.
Also, I totally think that through the course of your life you can have a real love with more than one person. People get remarried all the time, and I believe that they loved their first spouse at the time, and some relationships aren't always going to be forever. And I believe you could love your second (or more) spouse with as much, if not more, love than the first.
But in saying that, I don't believe it's possible to love EVERYONE you've ever been with. I don't think that every relationship is true love, regardless of how you think you feel at the time. There is no way that every person you have a relationship with is "the one". There are those relationships in which the dating is really enough. And it's new and fun, potentially lustful, and caring, but are they all "love"? No.
Don't be so fooled and rushed to fall in "love" that you sacrifice you who are, just to be in "love".
And don't ever be afraid to be alone. Or just date someone. Every single relationship doesn't have to be the end all, be all.
Love yourself first and foremost. And love yourself enough to just "be". You don't have to be constantly in a hot and heavy relationship just to feel validated as a worthy human being. You are enough just as you.
XOXO
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Randomness
Evening!
So I've been wondering something lately....am I the queen weirdo of strange, irrelevant, random thoughts....or is this common and people don't talk about it? Just those weird things that pop into your head for no apparent reason. Things will pop into my head, and I actually start to ponder them...then I find myself shaking my head and thinking, "Why am I even thinking about that? Does everyone do this, or am I 'special'?"
Ready to peer into my mind of randomness? Don't be afraid. Or maybe be afraid, because I still don't know if this is common or not.
Random thoughts, lately:
1. Has the very first or very last Lotto ticket purchased for any given jackpot, ever been the winner?
2. Is that squirrel sitting spread eagle because he's watching something, or because he's laying on a surface that's making his belly cooler?
3. Do I like the color pink because I think as a girl I'm supposed to, so I've been conditioned to like it. Or do I actually enjoy the color? And who decided pink was for girls and blue was for boys?
4. When was it decided that we needed to layer clothes? If our ancestors only wore loin cloths, which turned into clothes because...?? Eventual modestly, weather? So when people started to wear more and more material, who decided that we still needed material underneath (i.e. bras and underwear)? Is it a gravity thing only? I think this came to me when I was doing laundry.
5. Who decides that rude things are indeed rude? Does someone decide certain mannerisms are rude because someone found it displeasing, and why is something displeasing? For example, I don't like the sound of someone smacking gum. I think it sounds loud, and rude. But why do I think that? It's really not any louder than someone talking, right? And why do I think it's rude? Who decided chewing with your mouth open was rude? Because we don't want to see the chewing? Why is that wrong, and chewing with your mouth closed is right? Insert any pet peeve into this thought process. Are things we label as rude, rude because we were taught that something is rude (chewing with your mouth open, elbows on the table, speaking over others, etc), or because we just don't like it, but why don't we? I went round and round with this one, as you can see.
Those are just a small, small, sample of my insane thinking. And here is the thing, when I refer to these thought processes, I don't mean they crossed my mind for a split second, then I went on with my day. I will spend actual time thinking about these things....like really pondering.
So, my original question, is that normal, and we just don't talk to each other about it because we all think we are weird or different? And actually, who decided it was weird or different to have several random thoughts through the course of the day?
Not weird at all to me! :) xoxo
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
News Flash...
.....It's not all about you! No, really, it's not. You may think it is, but no, it's not.
**Editor's Note: The following post refers to no one person in particular. It's a general rant, if you will. I'm sure there is a piece of this in all of us, at one time or another. So take from it what you will, maybe, at the very least, it will cause you to think.
Sometimes I feel like the general population is bursting at the seams with martyrdom and narcissism.
Let's throw out some definitions of the two:
Martyrdom - extreme suffering; torment. (I'm referring to the perceived or self-inflicted form of this.)
Narcissism - inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
First off, you're not a martyr. No really, you're not. You don't have any more or any less stress, problems, issues, obstacles, that other people either don't have, possibly much worse, or have had at some point in their lives. So get over it. Do what you can do today, then do what you can do tomorrow, and move the hell on. Stop complaining, stop whining, stop thinking the world is against you, stop looking for answers outside of yourself, and STOP turning away from God. Plain and simple.
Second, you're not so amazingly fantastic that everything needs to be all about you, all the time. Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with loving one's self - very important. Self-confidence, self-esteem is not what I'm referring to. What I am referring to is the constant need of a narcissist to think that they are above everyone and they are all that matters most of the time. Because it's not the case. Not at all. And while you are busy looking in the mirror (metaphorically speaking) other people are laughing at your selfishness. It makes you appear simple minded, not strong. And it's not how we were intended.
It was intended for us to be giving, compassionate, selfless, loving others (key word - others), due unto them as you would yourself.
And guess what, when you start to focus on the good, on the blessings, on the people around you...surprise -- good things happen, for you and around you. You don't have bad luck, no one is out to get you, people aren't more fortunate than you -- because fortune is all relevant.
YOU make your luck, your fortune -- through prayer and faithfulness; through optimism. Does it take struggle and heartache to reach through the darkness sometimes -- yes, of course. But you're not the only one who's ever been in the dark. My guess is that your darkest moments, aren't necessarily nearly as dark as some others.
We get through it, we live to fight and love another day.
Don't hide yourself away in self pity, in stress, in loathing.
We only have one life to live. Stop living in the self created shadows of being the martyr, the victim, or in extreme vanity.
Everyone has been dealt lemons at some point, make lemonade, hell, grab tequila, whatever it takes. But stop being so damn uptight!
It's not all about you. Really. We are all in this together.
xoxo
**Editor's Note: The following post refers to no one person in particular. It's a general rant, if you will. I'm sure there is a piece of this in all of us, at one time or another. So take from it what you will, maybe, at the very least, it will cause you to think.
Sometimes I feel like the general population is bursting at the seams with martyrdom and narcissism.
Let's throw out some definitions of the two:
Martyrdom - extreme suffering; torment. (I'm referring to the perceived or self-inflicted form of this.)
Narcissism - inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
First off, you're not a martyr. No really, you're not. You don't have any more or any less stress, problems, issues, obstacles, that other people either don't have, possibly much worse, or have had at some point in their lives. So get over it. Do what you can do today, then do what you can do tomorrow, and move the hell on. Stop complaining, stop whining, stop thinking the world is against you, stop looking for answers outside of yourself, and STOP turning away from God. Plain and simple.
Second, you're not so amazingly fantastic that everything needs to be all about you, all the time. Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with loving one's self - very important. Self-confidence, self-esteem is not what I'm referring to. What I am referring to is the constant need of a narcissist to think that they are above everyone and they are all that matters most of the time. Because it's not the case. Not at all. And while you are busy looking in the mirror (metaphorically speaking) other people are laughing at your selfishness. It makes you appear simple minded, not strong. And it's not how we were intended.
It was intended for us to be giving, compassionate, selfless, loving others (key word - others), due unto them as you would yourself.
And guess what, when you start to focus on the good, on the blessings, on the people around you...surprise -- good things happen, for you and around you. You don't have bad luck, no one is out to get you, people aren't more fortunate than you -- because fortune is all relevant.
YOU make your luck, your fortune -- through prayer and faithfulness; through optimism. Does it take struggle and heartache to reach through the darkness sometimes -- yes, of course. But you're not the only one who's ever been in the dark. My guess is that your darkest moments, aren't necessarily nearly as dark as some others.
We get through it, we live to fight and love another day.
Don't hide yourself away in self pity, in stress, in loathing.
We only have one life to live. Stop living in the self created shadows of being the martyr, the victim, or in extreme vanity.
Everyone has been dealt lemons at some point, make lemonade, hell, grab tequila, whatever it takes. But stop being so damn uptight!
It's not all about you. Really. We are all in this together.
xoxo
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